Dearest little bean,
I can’t even be sure that you’re growing
in there yet, but from the looks of my calendar and the way I’ve been
feeling, it’s quite a large possibility. It’s not your normal things
like nausea and the like, but just little things here and there that
just seem odd. I’m late by almost 3 days, which is confusing because I
have been late in the past and it was just a fluke with my crazy cycle
these last few years. You see, your mama’s body is quite the anomaly.
All sorts of funny things and nonsense that baffle all of us most of the
time, so the fact that my cycle could be off, is not really surprising.
But this time, having a little life grow inside of me is more of a
possibility than ever before.
I’ve known all my life that at some
point, I’d like to be a mother. And now at 30, that feeling is even more
apparent. And lucky for me, your daddy is finally ready for you! It’s
taken quite awhile to reach this milestone, but with good reason. We’ve
had our ups and downs and always feel like the universe is kicking us
while we’re down, but one thing we’ve learned is how strong our bond in
life is. I’ve never loved another in the way that I love your daddy. All
I’ve ever desired since meeting him is sharing our life, including
making some beautiful little babes.
I’ve learned a lot about
parenting from your big brother, and it’s not always been easy. But I
love him and I know that he will be a great protector and
teacher to you. I’m not sure how he’ll feel about you at first, but
trust me, it will be great, in good time. He’s sensitive about a lot of
things in life, and he’s used to being the only little one around here.
But he has a big heart and will be a big help.
The writing of this
first letter is premature, I know, but I just have a lot of emotions
dancing around in this crazy brain of mine and I had to put some of them
down on paper. So if you’re growing in there already or are just a
little spark out there waiting for us to find you in time, just know how
much you’re already loved and adored. My heart is bursting with
happiness at knowing that someday I get to be your mama.
I chose “hello little bean” because your daddy has called me bean since
the beginning of us, and being that you’re made with love from both us,
and the fact that you’re little….it just stuck.