that, or I ate 539 too many donuts and it all went to my belly.
started much rougher, with spotting and bleeding, which had me doubting it
would even continue at that point, but here we are, at 25 weeks, with a healthy
baby (PHEW!). And while most of my symptoms have been identical to the ones I
experienced while pregnant with Lark, they seem to be happening at a more rapid
pace this time.
November 1st of last year. If you’re doing the math in your head
right now, then you’d be correct in guessing that this is a ‘wedding’
baby…(just saying)…and no more than a week later, I accepted a new job in a
city 2.5 hours away from where we were living which obviously required relocation.
Something we were fully prepared for being that we’ve always wanted to live in
said location. No big deal! We were happy!
have been predicted and we could not have been prepared for. From family and
health issues, to legal and custody issues with my stepson, to navigating this
pregnancy and toddler wrangling as a ‘single’ mom for much longer than we had
anticipated…and it’s been…hard. There isn’t a more accurate (read: fancy) word
for it. Hard. Emotionally, physically…we’re exhausted.
easy. My mom was a single mom for quite some time, before my stepdad came
along, often working multiple jobs just to scrape by. I don’t know how she did
it. And while I have a home to live in, a good job, food on the table…it’s
still beyond difficult.
uncomfortable pregnancy. My body just can’t keep up this time around. I’m much more tired, cannot get enough rest,
and Braxton Hicks contractions started up much earlier than with Lark, and with
much more gusto, for lack of a better word. So I’ve been instructed to ‘take it
easy,’ ‘lift and bend less’ and ‘get
more rest’ which, if you have a toddler, then you probably know this isn’t
sounds bad, like he’s chosen this, which he hasn’t. But it’s a very real and
raw part of our lives right now. I grew up without my father in my life.
Granted, I had a stepdad who was great, but I never knew my ‘dad.’ I do now,
and he’s awesome and our relationship is awesome, but it definitely makes me
appreciate the fact that my babies have their dad. I have surreal moments where
I think, ‘My kids have a dad!’ and that’s probably insane for most people,
because most people knew their dads before they were adults. What I’m getting
at is, while it’s physically and mentally draining to be taking care of our
daughter without him, I have silent moments of heartbreak when she does
something silly or cute, and I don’t have him to share it with. We’ve seen him more over the last two weeks,
which we are loving! He’s watching Lark on days he’s here and helping me get
the much needed rest I need. Hopefully he will be here full-time soon, but he
has another son who also needs him, which is why he’s split at the moment. I
won’t get into specifics, but basically he’s not allowed to move his son
without court/mom’s approval, which didn’t happen for us for various reasons,
but he will be allowed to move once school is out for the summer. It’s been
extremely hard on us emotionally, physically and financially to have dealt with
this over the last 4.5 months.
even while being somewhat the same. I just don’t have time (or energy) for
usual things. My time is taken up by a new job and a toddler. Sadly, pregnancy
takes a back seat. I’m taking care of myself, sure, but things like this blog
have been lacking tremendously. I’m just trying to make it, one day at a time,
on my own, with a tiny, 19-month-old sidekick.
while I’m posting belly photos as often as I can, it’s generally a phone shot
and just posted to instagram. My wardrobe is pathetic, at best, mostly due to
THE LONGEST WINTER EVER! But also because I have zero motivation. I see
maternity style posts online with women looking amazing in heels and dresses
and I moan and groan to myself about how I wish I could dress like that and
feel like that. I’m lucky if I even get a shower every day, and my hair gets
washed, on average, about twice a week, again, if I’m lucky. I fall asleep
every night with a to-do list a mile long, including packing my daughter’s
lunches and snacks with caution because oh yeah, she has severe food allergies
and has also been sick about 8 times in the last 4.5 months…which usually
causes me to rush every morning to get to work on time after dropping her off
at the sitter because the to-do list still exists every morning when I finally crawl
out of bed. She sleeps in my bed a lot, because sometimes, I just need sleep,
however I can get it. I’m creating a bad habit, I’m sure of it, but sleep wins.
And she isn’t feeling well basically every other week so it’s all I can do to
comfort her. I pause between household
and work duties, to breathe through the Braxton Hicks/pelvic pain and can’t
even pee alone these days because somebody likes to be wherever mama is always.
And sometimes I just have to remind myself to give myself a break. I’m doing
the best I can. Clothes don’t matter, hair doesn’t matter, and laundry? It can
definitely wait. Luckily when I do motivate enough to do laundry, I have a very
willing, little helper who loves putting clothes in the dryer and helps mama
with the ‘no bending’ rule. We have quiet time where we color and read books
and eat dinner together, even if it’s cereal, every night. We have our whole
family together (most) weekends and we relish in it. Lark kisses my baby belly and pats it saying ‘baby’
and I realize in these tiny moments that all the stress is worth her tiny smile
when she’s excited to see me every day, or her squeals of delight when dad
comes home for the weekend.
getting laundry in the wash, give yourself a break. You’re doing the best you
can. And your babies love you anyway…and you’re beautiful…even if your hair is
crusty from your toddler’s meal the night before because she really wanted to
kiss you after making a mess of herself…and that’s all that matters.