June 2016

As most people know, I love documenting my children’s biggest moments and milestones, often in written letters. Things like crawling, walking, first words…The things that make your parent heart nearly burst from your chest because they’ve just achieved something BIG.  Well I didn’t experience those moments with Brennan…he’d already surpassed all of those milestones by the time I entered his life. And while there have been many firsts along the way since I’ve been in his life, like his first date, first dance, first day of high school, none have been so momentous as this day, and I felt it needed more than just a photo to signify the magnitude of this moment…

To Brennan, My Son,

Today you are a high school graduate. Today you are thrust upon the world in this raw, vulnerable state of life that is truly magical, because you have a clean slate in front of you to transcribe your own story. This is your life. Your one, beautiful life. Nurture it, never take it for granted and make mistakes, lots of them! Just don’t let them run your life, learn from them, be better for it and soldier on.

Life is not easy. It’s a mess. An unruly, make-your-head-spin, drive-you-mad, can’t-seem-to-pick-up-all-the-pieces, scary, daunting, yet beautiful, mess! I will never tell you that life is easy, but I will tell you that it’s an incredible journey. A never-ending journey because you will change, people will change and your direction will change. It’s an ever-evolving cycle of growth and substance and you will learn to adapt in different ways.

It’s no secret you come from a life with a broken family.  I know this probably wasn’t always easy for you, and let’s be honest, it hasn’t been very easy for anyone involved. But these experiences will only make you stronger. They have shaped who you have become, both good and bad, but one thing I hope you always remember is that you are loved. I may not have given birth to you, but when we met, a bond was born. It’s a bit different than birthing your own child. It’s a love that has to be grown, learned and also accepted by the child.  A grown child, in this case, someone who was capable of forming opinions and was already their own person, in a sense, so it was complicated sometimes. I am grateful for your acceptance of me in your life. There have been so many fun memories between you and I, and lots of arguments too. I’m can be hard on you, I know this. I can be harsh and blunt, but trust in me, it’s from a place of love because all I want is the best for you in this life. You’re smarter than I ever have been and ever will be. I see your future and it’s bold and bright. I see the things you can become and I hope you’ll see them too…

Our lives are connected in this world now. And I will try my best not to fail you and always support you. It’s like a tree…I may not have been the seed, but I have been part of the soil that has shaped you, nurtured you and helped you grow. And in that tree sits a little birdie on a branch for support, hanging from that branch sits a little girl, with lots of freckles, swinging away under the protective shade of your leaves. Next to her sits a curious little fox, leaning against your trunk for strength.  Take care of this tree, fill it with love, honor and respect, because these little beings look up to your canopy of leaves for support, trust, guidance and protection…always nurture your roots and soil as well, be kind to them, respect them and always understand that without your roots, you would never have grown…

I’m getting wordy, as I always do, and I’m not the best person to offer advice, because I, by no means, have my shit together…but I’ve experienced a lot of things…lots of happiness, lots of sadness, and lots of things that are worse than sadness, but I’ve been through a lot in my 33 years on this Earth, and there’s still a lot of things I haven’t experienced that I hope I get the chance to…so here’s some words of wisdom, based on my own experience in life:

• Always seek adventure. It will keep you young.
• Travel far and wide. See things that will inspire you and show you the beauty of life and the beauty of different cultures that make up the human race.
• Listen to your heart, but also listen to your common sense. Together they form your conscience and are crucial to living a life of purpose.
• Don’t let the bastards get you down! In other words, don’t let others make you feel like you are less than what you are.  Be proud, always and stand up for what you believe in.
• Fall in love. With people, with places, with ideas and love them HARD!
• Don’t be afraid to fail, and don’t be afraid to succeed either, because I think that’s a far bigger tragedy than being afraid to fail. A fear of failure at least shows that you tried. Being afraid to succeed could mean you gave up…
• And with that, don’t give up! If you believe in something passionately and deeply, NEVER GIVE UP. Regret is an awful place to dwell in.
• Don’t base life’s decisions on someone else’s wants and needs. Put yourself first.
• Don’t trust everyone. In fact, don’t trust anyone until they prove themselves trustworthy.  There are people out there who will not have your best interests at heart.
• Be prepared to have your heart broken. Not once, not twice, but many times.
• Dream big, and then dream bigger. Keep your head in the clouds! But keep one foot on the ground, because being grounded, even just a little bit, will help you find a way to make those dreams reality.
• Any dream is attainable. This is absolute truth. The trick is to want it. Want it so bad you won’t stop until you get there.
• Be kind. For everyone you meet has a different struggle.
• All you have is this moment. Life is not promised or predictable.
• Strive to always be better.
• Be grateful for what you have and where you came from. Remember that a lot of people aren’t so lucky…
• Find the thing that sets your soul on fire and chase it.
• DO things that scare you.
• Be brave.
• Be yourself.
• Love yourself.
• Laugh. Always laugh. When they say laughter is the best medicine, they are right, whoever THEY are…
• Just live. Every day of your life.

And well, because you’re Brennan, and I’m a sarcastic realist at times…here’s my specific words of wisdom, just for you, as you venture out into the world…

• First off, take a shower.  Every day.
• And in that shower, wash your hair and pits, because you’re a man and you most definitely stink…
• Eat some fruits and vegetables. Pizza, frozen Taquitos, chips and pop are not a balanced diet. My theory that you only things that are white (bread, chicken, potatoes, etc.) still rings true. SO try new foods, foods with color!
• And speaking of chips and pop, don’t waste all your money on these things at the corner market, because we know how you do…
• Slow down at stop signs in winter. Because yes, we see your tire tracks going every way but the right way.
• Wear sunscreen; please…accept that you are fair-skinned and that your ‘summer bod’ journey really just means a lot of sunburns.
• Don’t leave your dirty laundry in your car trunk when you go away for college, because it will stink up the whole car. You’ve proved this.
• Also, don’t come home from school expecting people to wash your laundry, because I don’t know about your dad, but I am NOT touching those crusty socks!
• Get a job. You can’t get anywhere in this world without money. Well, you can, it’s just called “in debt” and it’s not fun. Trust me, I know…
• Be respectful to women.
• Be the smartass you are, just learn to use it in the right situations.
• Same with sarcasm. Never lose your humor; sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps you sane through hard situations. But again, learn to use it at the correct times.
• Admit when you’ve been wrong and accept faults, especially if it has hurt someone.
• Don’t waste your life playing video games. Get outside and do something!
• Don’t lose yourself in relationships. Maintain your own identity and independence because unfortunately, relationships come and go and until you find that person who you can truly be yourself with, you will not experience true love.
• Oh, trust me, you’ll THINK you’re in love, and you probably will be…but true love is much, much different…
• With that same idea, become a father. Just not in the next ten years (or more, please). You will never know a truer love than that of creating life and caring for a helpless being who only has the purest love for you. And until you become a father, you also will not understand true sacrifice. I will tell you this, there are no people in this world who love you more and have sacrificed more, than the two who created you.
• Be grateful for your father, for he’s your only one…He is the best dad I’ve ever known. I grew up without a true father and I see how dedicated to your life he has been and I’m almost envious of what he’s given you. And no, I don’t mean materialistically, I mean honor, respect, trust (even when you’ve lied, which is a lot, especially when it came to schoolwork) and above all, undying and unconditional love…
• On the topic of unconditional love, be grateful also for your mother. There is no replacement in this world, now or ever, for a mother. She carried you for nine months. You’re bodies were physically connected, thus creating the unbreakable bond that is mother and son. I haven’t always agreed with your mom, which I think is normal in these types of situations…and I’m sure she’s not always agreed with or accepted me, but now that I’ve carried and birthed children myself, I try to see things from a different perspective.  Cherish her and honor her and know that a mother’s love is the most passionate love there is.
• Be grateful for stepparents. Stepparents aren’t obligated to parent or raise you; they make a conscious choice to…
• Be grateful for your siblings. They’re your teammates; your genetic life-mates and they adore you. Be honorable and be someone they can look to for support and look UP to for inspiration…
• Value your entire family. Hold them at the highest apex of your soul, because they will always be there for you.  You are lucky to have SO much family on the sidelines while you run the race of life, cheering you on…and they’ll always be the ones who are the first to greet at the finish line, whether you win or lose…
• Oh and back to that topic of lying about schoolwork, JUST DO THE WORK! You’re only hurting yourself, at this point, if you make the choice to slack on school and life…

All right, I promise I’m wrapping this up. . Just a few more things…

Like I said before, I didn’t birth you, but you made me a mother long before I became pregnant with children who share my DNA. Without you, I wouldn’t have known what it’s like to make birthday cakes, help with school projects, bandage wounds, even if when you wanted to bandage an entire limb for the tiniest of cuts, you’ve always been dramatic that way, how to make dinner for an entire family, even if you refused to eat it! We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve had serious talks about bullying, relationships, life…we’ve spent nights huddled together, whether it was because you really wanted to watch scary ghost hunting shows (which I let you do, even though you were scared and had to sit on top of me) or because the furnace went out and my body heat was all I had to give you. You’ve tested patience, always questioned things, that’s why we always said you were good at finding loopholes, because you never took one answer as the ultimate solution. This trait will serve you well in life, always question, and always seek more…

We have shared this life, and for this I’m grateful.

Sometimes I fear I was too blunt or too hard on you at times and that maybe you doubted my love for you, but I will tell you, today, that I love you with my whole heart. I am so proud to have been a part of your life up until now, and am honored to be a part of your journey from today on… please know how immensely proud your dad, myself, Lark and Arlo are…(well, everyone else too, but if I list them all, we’ll be here for an hour and I’ve always bored everyone for too long)…

I wouldn’t be who I am today, without you and I hope I’ve impacted your life in a positive way as well…and don’t worry I’ll be here to always tell you like it is, because that’s what I do best and sometimes you need a kick in the ass, if you know what I mean…You’re truly the most compassionate kid I’ve ever known in that you accept each person for exactly who they are and you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams, if you choose to…

This is your life, kid. Don’t waste it.

And because we have that Irish pride in common….an Irish blessing as you embark on this little adventure we call life…

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May the universe hold you in the palm of its hand…